also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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