Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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