I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
