i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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