I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
