My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
