Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
