I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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