I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
