It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
