I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
