oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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