The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
