so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
