apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
