just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
