Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
