Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
