she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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