I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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