is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
