Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
