I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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