She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
