Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
