You surviving the open bar?
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Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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