Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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