My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
