Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
