I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
