I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
