Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
