My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
