Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
People in love make me want to vomit
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
