3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
