why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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