so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
