i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
