I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
