Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
