I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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