She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
