So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
