Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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