Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and you said cock pushups were impossible
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
