walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
