i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
