i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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