I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
