You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
