its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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