Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
