Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
