Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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