when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
