made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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