P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
