He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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