Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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