I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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