I'm jealous of your bromance
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
