You just made me feel so damn special
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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