You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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