Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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