I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
