is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
