dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
