Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
